Love all of his work so far
Outsiders
Everyone is a critic. Just yesterday a superior, in my life and at Adrian College, had the audacity to say to me, “It is a shame that you have health issues, because you could have been valedictorian.” I just sat their appalled. The only thing I could think of to say was an infamous Kathy Harkness quote:
“I have two words for you. One begins with an F and ends with a UCK and it is not Firetruck.”
Of course I did not say this, but if my mom was there, she would of.
In the novel, Walking on Water by Richard Paul Evans, Evans states:
“I suppose we as children are selfish by nature, judging our parents in the context not of their worlds and challenges, but of our worlds and how they meet our needs. Even as we mature we rarely think of them having been young like us.” (96)
When my mom was my age, she had problems with her ovaries. Her doctor told her that she might not ever be able to have kids. In the last couple of months, I have called my mom everyday, sometimes three times a day, because I have been so unstable. I found out that I had to get surgery on my ovaries. What I have been through the last couple of months, I would not wish upon any foe. Going through a similar situation as my mom has opened a door to her “world.” It also has opened a door to my dad’s “world.”
My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. When my dad was diagnosed, I was sitting in our driveway in Indiana selling furniture to fund my elaborate travels. The second I heard the word “cancer,” I started uncontrollably crying. I will never forget how I felt. Sadly, I can not tell you how my dad was feeling. I can tell you what he was wearing, but I can not tell you his emotional state. I was an outsider to his world, but having surgery has given me an inside look at his “world.”
People always ask “How? How do you do the things you do with your health?” This is yet another situation where I would love to use the infamous Kathy Harkness quote, but I do not. Instead, I tell them how I do not let my health control my life. I control my health. I eat healthy. I take care of my body to the best of my abilities. Then, every once in a while, I reward myself in the most extreme way possible.
Before I went to Costa Rica, I found out I had mononucleosis. I took care of myself and towards the end of my trip, I went bungee jumping. Before I went to Guam, I passed kidney stones. I took care of myself and towards the end of my trip, I went sky diving. Before I went to Europe, I found out I had a mass on my ovaries. Once again, I took care of myself and towards the end of my trip, I went scuba diving between two tectonic plates. I live for that rush. Similar to Slander in The Girl Who Played with Fire:
“Salander had not had such a rush since she visited Grona Lund amusement park several years before and rode on the Freefall. She went on it three times and could have gone another three if she had the money.” (521)
If my health would have allowed it, I would have gone bungee jumping, sky diving and scuba diving numerous times. I do not dwell on the fact that I could only do everything once, because once is enough in my “world.”
Life is what you make it. If your life is filled with “titles” such as, valedictorian, well congratulations. My life on the other hand, is filled with stories. My parents help me write my story. They help me through life’s challenges while still dealing with their own. From the outside we might seem crazy, but in our “worlds” we are far from crazy. As Tim Burton once said:
“One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.”
Endangered Species
Five years ago, if someone told me, “Nicole, you will travel to Australia, Costa Rica, Guam, Antarctica, Iceland, Sweden and other desirable destinations within your college career,” I would have sat there and waited for their nose to grow.
Currently, my majors at Adrian College are Environmental Science and Journalism. My hobbies include, but are not limited to, scuba diving, yoga, traveling, reading and cross fitting. My interests will remain the same, but my life is about to change. Graduation is just around the corner. People constantly ask what I am planning on doing with my life. Well, to be brutally frank, I have no clue and I am scared out of my mind. After five years, I still can not figure how to work the course catalog, let alone figure out what I want from life.
A typical senior (or in my case, a “super senior”) would be freaking out if they were in my fields of studies. Journalism is a dying field. Environmental Science is a growing field, because everything is dying. In Larsson’s novel, The Girl Who Played With Fire, he states:
“…it is journalistic work that should be on the endangered species list.” (202)
I could not agree more.
It is hard to gain an audience on Environmental issues unless something drastic happens. In Anthony Downs piece, “Up and down with ecology- the issue attention cycle,” Downs organizes societies awareness of the environment into five stages:
1.Pre-problem stage
2. Alarmed discovery & euphoric enthusiasm
3. Realizing the cost of significant process
4. Gradual decline of public interest
5.The post-problem stage
News about the Environment grasps most of societies attention, but does not hold it. Everyone has different interests. For example, in my spare time I watch National Geographic documentaries. In my dad’s spare time, he watches documentaries relating to gambling and Casinos. Ironically enough, my dad is the reason I chose to study Environmental Science and Journalism. My freshman year my dad said:
“College is not trade school. It does not determine what you will do with the rest of your life. Study what interests you.”
Once my dad gave me this advice, he should have warned me that:
“[You’ll be] pulling the load of an ox and walking on eggshells.”(?)
But I am glad he didn’t.
Over the past five years, I never let go of my Dad’s advice. I put away all my Disney films and opened my eyes to the world. My college career has been one rare, impeccable, crazy train. I do not mean to toot my own horn, but “toot, toot.”
Having Graduation right around the corner is scary. I have no idea what I want to do, but I do know that I am ready. I am ready to lay in Shavasana, without constantly reviewing exam material in my head. I am ready to go scuba diving, instead of just trying to keep my head a float. I am ready to derail this train and board the next.
Making Sense of the Senseless
Have you ever had one of those moments where everything just seemed to make sense and fall into place? If you have not, you have my condolence, because those moments are by far the greatest.
This summer my friends and I traveled to Amsterdam. We drove to Amsterdam from Sweden. We were all feeling a little under the weather, some more than others. I felt bad for the guys that were really sick, because we were in Amsterdam! They did not want to go out or do anything. I can not imagine how frustrated they were. The situation is well summarized by two quotes from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Larsson:
“Candy within reach and then I have to go on a diet.”
“Like an uneventful holiday.”
In my book, nobody needs a diet and everything is eventful, especially holidays. We were in Amsterdam. I was not about to sit in the room. Thankfully, my best friend, Sam, had the same mindset. We went out one night and had the time of our lives. All we did was bar hop and eat Pad Tai, but we had a blast. Well come to find out, Sam lost his phone that night. The next night, Sam was determined to go to every bar that we went to the previous night to find his phone. I thought he was kidding. The moment was similar to a situation between two main characters, Mimmi and Salander, in the book The Girl Who Played with Fire:
“Stupid of me. You never joke about anything, Mr. Spock.” (117)
I am glad he was not kidding though, because the night we went out looking for Sam’s phone, felt like we went for a ride on the Enterprise. We somehow stumbled upon a rave. In the middle of this park, their was a stage with two DJ’s playing. Their was a crowd of over 100 people. All of them were dancing and giving off great vibes. Sam and I were probably there for three hours. We stopped worrying about his phone. We actually did not have a care in the world. We were just present. The stress and build up of the night and the simplicity of all that going away is comparable to Salander’s situation in The Girl Who Played with Fire:
“And all of a sudden she understood. The answer was so disarmingly simple. A game with numbers that lined up and then fell into place in a simple formula that was most similar to a rebus.” (594)
Everyone is a victim to letting unimportant things control their daily life. On average, a person checks their phone about 100 times a day. Who cares? Be present. Enjoy the time with the people you are with, even if they are too sick to move. Loose your phone and loose yourself. Then, just maybe, everything will make sense and simply fall into place.
On the Move
I like to move. When I need to decompress, I go for a drive. I love being on airplanes so much that I actually despise sleeping on them. Traveling relaxes me, but ironically, it is very common that I have no idea where I am going.
My first study abroad excursion was to Australia. I flew from South Bend, Indiana to Chicago to Las Vegas to Los Angeles and then to Australia. My flight from Las Vegas to Los Angeles was delayed. So, I missed my flight to Australia. In the Los Angeles airport I went up to the Qantas airline counter to schedule another flight. Naturally, the first thing the lady at the ticket counter asked was “Where are you flying to?” I responded “Australia.” They lady giggled and said “I know that, but what city?” At this point I am sure my expression said it all. I was a deer in the headlights. I knew Australia was a big country, but I didn’t take into consideration that they would have more than one international airport. So, I am sure you can imagine how intelligent I presumed to be when I told her that I did not know what city. The lady then asked “Well, what is the purpose of your travels?” My response was “To study Australian Environmental Issues with a focus study in flora & fauna of the Great Barrier Reef.” Her face expressed great disbelief. If she worked at TSA, she probably would have strip searched me. After this mishap, most people would make a point to be more aware during future travels, but not me.
I traveled to Iceland by myself this summer. It was my first time traveling alone to a different country. I did not know a soul that lived there, but oddly enough, it was the farthest I have ever been from lonely. I met so many great people and still keep in touch with them. While in Iceland, it was easy for me to make friends and lose track of time. Similar to Antarctica, it is daylight for 22 hours during the summer. One night I was out until four in the morning with friends. On, what I thought was my second to last day in Iceland, I checked my e-mails and discovered that my flight back to Sweden left in 3 hours. So, I packed my bag and thankfully caught the last shuttle to the airport. I got to the airport with no time to spare. I thankfully knew where I was going, but was just a little off date and time wise.
My travels are oddly relatable to Slander, the main character in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Trilogy. Slander is a unique individual. She travels a lot and on occasion, she also has no idea where she is going and how long she is staying. Another lovely thing we have in common is our travel plans or you could say, “lack of” travel plans:
Salander traveling back home:
“By the time she landed at Gatwick in London, she had missed her connecting flight to Sweden and had to wait overnight before she could be rebooked. Salander felt like a bag of bananas that had been left too long in the sun. All she had with her was a carry-on bag containing her PowerBook, Dimensions, and a change of clothes. She passed unchecked through the green gate at Customs. When she got outside to the airport shuttle buses she was welcomed home by a blast of freezing sleet.” (71)
After traveling, it is common for me to feel like “a bag of bananas that had been left too long in the sun.” Similar to Salander, my traveling routine is unorganized. It honestly does not matter where I am going, I will probably never learn my flight schedule. This would bother most people, but I am not “most people” and neither is Salander. Personally, I enjoy when my flight is delayed. It is apart of the journey and it is a mandatory break in my day. I can read a book, paint my nails or people watch. As Robert Louis Stevenson would say:
“For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.”
Friendships are the Best Ships
In the novel, The Girl with the Dragoon Tattoo, Larsson defines friendship perfectly:
“Friendship-my definition-is built on two things, respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble.” (507)
No matter where I am in the world, I always call one of my closest friends, Kelly Cole. Saying she is one of my “closest” friends could easily be misinterpreted. We do not live near each other; We do not communicate on a daily basis; We have not seen each other in over two years. But once a month I pick up the phone and give her a call. We talk on the phone for about an average of two hours. I have called her from my front porch in Indiana, an apartment in Sweden, a boat crossing the Drake passage, a condo in Guam and other various destinations. About 6 months ago I gave Kelly a call from the most memorable place yet, in front of one our friends grave. Our friend, Linden, passed away during finals week my sophomore year. It was the roughest weekend of my life. Linden’s funeral was on Friday, April 21st. Kelly spoke at the funeral. It was also Kelly’s 20th birthday. On that Friday, I drove back to school and took a final. I went out Friday night and woke up Saturday morning in the mist of passing a kidney stone. Sunday was graduation and also the day I left for Guam. I passed a kidney stone on the flight to Guam. The weekend was horrific. When I look back though, I would not change a thing. Kelly and I have the strongest bond and trust each other. Our bond was not this close in High School, but not all bonds form overnight.
One of my best friends, Sam, had a friend from British Columbia visit Adrian last year. Sam asked me if his friend, Callum, could crash at my place, which of course was fine with me. Callum and I spent a lot of the weekend together. We drove to Sam’s hockey game in Detroit, went to a brewery in Ann Arbor, a hockey game at Notre Dame and some other, not so sober, activities. By the time the weekend was over, I felt like I knew Callum my whole life and I trusted him. It was the closest thing to an “overnight bond” that I have ever experienced.
This summer when I went to Sweden, I stayed with Callum. The people that know me best were not surprised that I was traveling half way across the world and staying with someone I only hung out with for a weekend. When I called Kelly she said “Only you Nicole Harkness, only you.” I will never understand why this is an “only me” situation. Life is short. When you have a mutual trust with someone, you should embrace it, never ignore it or be shy about it. To me, time and distance are irrelevant when it comes to friendship. You should always be able to pick up where you left off. It should not matter if your a talking on the phone for the first time in weeks or traveling over 4,000 miles and seeing each other for the first time in 9 months. You’re friends and you trust each other, no need to complicate it, just respect it.
Swedish Ways
Without obtaining a guilty conscious, I can honestly say I have traveled the world. Being a world traveler, you would think I would know multiple languages. This is false. In Costa Rica, where Spanish is spoken, I got by with my mediocre, public school, spanish education. It was evident that I am indeed a “Gringo.” I also took French in grade school and college, but it didn’t really stick. I never really understood why teenage girls have an Eiffel tower obsession. Have you ever taken a history course? The French despised the Eiffel tower when they first received it (I am sure some French still do) in 1889 for the World Fair. It is honestly one of the world’s tallest man made structures, because of the antennas on top. Whatever. Anyways, I guess an Australian could rant in a similar fashion, because to them Kolas are equivalent to squirrels. I do not know about you, but I totally have a Kola stuffed animal.
This past summer I traveled to Sweden. Prior to my trip I read the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy by Stieg Larsson. The book was originally written in Swedish, which I suppressed. I was always taken back when the author refereed to a character commenting in English to add emphasis to the given scenario. Well, not until my flight to Sweden did it occur to me that I do not know a lick of Swedish. The thoughts that were running through my head were something like…
“Does the Swedish language have their own alphabet?”
“Am I not going to be able to read any sign in this country?”
“They use the metric system.”
“How do I ask where the bathroom is?”
“Are Swedish men turned off by girls that don’t know Swedish?”
Thankfully, I found out the answers to all these questions in a timely manner. Questioning yourself is indeed a healthy thing to do. I question myself a lot when I am abroad and while I am reading. So doing both at the same time is a win-win situation. While reading Larsson’s novels, I improved my vocabulary by constantly questioning the definition of various words. I did not learn Swedish while in Sweden, but I did improve my English and admired some of the world’s most good looking humans.
Listed below are words that I questioned.
Equidistantly- distant by equal amounts from tow or more places
Effeminate- a man or a boy having traits, tastes, habits, etc., traditionally considered feminine, as softness or delicacy
Fatuous- foolish or inane, especially in an unconscious, complacent manner; silly
Albeit- although; even if
Maudlin- tearfully or weakly emotional; foolishly sentimental
Sanctimonious- making a hypocritical show of religious devotion, piety, righteousness, etc.
Gallimaufry- a hodgepodge; jumble; confuse medley
Labyrinth- an intricate combination of paths or passages in which it is difficult to find one’s way or to reach the exit
Dubious- doubtful; marked by or occasion doubt
Futility- lack of effectiveness or success
Convalescing- to recover health and strength after illness, make progress toward recovery of health
Esoteric- understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite
Masochist- a person who is gratified by pain, degradation, etc., that is self-imposed or imposed by others
Taking Chance, Movie
When I travel, I constantly check to make sure I have my passport. Lt. Col. Michael Strobl, a military escort, constantly checks to make sure he has Chance Phelp’s personal items. The movie, Taking Chance, was similar to the novel Final Salute in terms of my reactions. I reacted to both in an extremely emotional way. Both brought me to tears on multiple occasions. One scene in the movie that struck me was when a veteran sternly told Lt. Col. Michael Strobl:
“You brought Chance home. You’re a witness. Without a witness they just disappear.”
This was a major tear jerker for me. The movie and novel were both tough for me. I could relate with Lt. Col. Michael Strobl’s character:
“Graduate boot camps feel like your on top of the world. Then you travel and see things you ever thought you would see.”
When I graduated high school I felt like I was on top of the world. Now that I am in college I constantly travel. I just have to make sure I don’t lose my passport.
After the War, Stories
“I like to think that he’s somewhere watching over us,” she said “there are times when I actually believe that.” (171)
Melissa Givens was quoted on a discussion about her diseased husband. I have stressed before that I have never lost someone at war, but this quote reminded me of a significant time in my life.
One of my friends from high school, Linden, passed away about a year ago. It was a freak accident. One of my best friends from high school, Kelly, had to speak at the funeral, it was her birthday. The funeral took place the Friday of finals week. So on Wednesday I called my mom after my last final and asked her to pick up a cake for Kelly’s birthday. My mom went to a local place that Kelly and Linden always went to, sometimes I would join them. This place is known for their red velvet cake. My mom went there and asked for a cake. The head chief told my mom how ironic it was that she asked today, because an extra red velvet cake was delivered. Ever since that day, I believe Linden is watching over Kelly.
The funeral was not easy, but no funeral is. It was probably not Kelly’s favorite birthday either. Marlin says:
“It is supposed to be a joyous occasion, your birth and your death.” (224)
This novel was hard for me to read but the last section was my favorite. I enjoyed being enlightened on different peoples perspectives of death.
Bringing them Home
Learning something and understanding something are completely different things. Personally, I have taken many ecology courses, but never seemed to understand the material. Last summer, in Costa Rica, I took a tropical ecology course. I was outside in the rainforest practically everyday. I finally understood ecology. In the third section of Final Salute I thought about my personal course struggles when Staff Sergeant Kevin Thomas said:
“I was a history major. I learned about the Western Expansion, I learned about the Indians, but I never really understood.” (123)
Their is only so much you can learn in a classroom. After reading Bringing them Home I realized that a solider can only learn so much at boot camp. A solider runs a million drills and a student does a million practice problems, all the work seems tedious until one understands, until one knows:
“There’s a difference between believing and knowing. Before, there were some things I believe. Now I know.” (95)
Journalism Classes 